


The Time the Grinch Was Too Short to Steal Christmas

by momstiel



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Christmas, Comedy, Fluff and Humor, I'm Bad At Tagging, Just pure comedy, M/M, Mustang being a bitch, No really this is just a Christmas Comedy, One Shot, Poor Al is in the middle, Revenge, Roy vs Ed, Short One Shot, This is really crappy but I wanted to write it, angry edward
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-22
Updated: 2016-12-22
Packaged: 2018-09-11 02:14:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8949784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/momstiel/pseuds/momstiel
Summary: Roy pushes all of the right buttons to make Ed snap on Christmas.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cassiedoughgirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cassiedoughgirl/gifts).



> Note - 
> 
> For the sake of the story, we're going to pretend that the lore of Christmas is a thing in the Fullmetal Alchemist universe.

“I refuse to wear this.” Ed’s eyes fell on the elf suit in front of him. There were no ‘worst parts’ to the costume because all of it seemed equally awful. He crossed his arms, removing his eyes from the outfit on the couch and up to Mustang. Roy looked awfully smug, a shit-eating grin on his lips that made Edward want to hurl. Of course the other would want to make him an  _ elf _ of all things. 

 

“Since when did the military give two shits about doing something for central children?” Edward asked. Never once in his lifetime had he ever heard about the military hosting a ‘meet and greet with Santa’. Frankly, it sounded ridiculous. Especially with all the potential threats, it seemed absolutely arrogant for soldiers and alchemists to be dressing up in elf costumes. Also, who thinks it is a good idea to mix extremely disciplined soldiers with young and whiny snot-ridden children? 

 

“Since I became fuhrer, that’s when.” Roy responded. “And it’s an order for you to put that suit on and wear a smile.” He smirked, hands on his hips. There was no doubt in Edward’s mind that Mustang came up with this whole scenario just to torture him. He was petty enough to do that. Especially since he became fuhrer, Ed had to comply to his every command. And he  _ despised it.  _

 

Edward narrowed his eyes and picked up the elf suit, looking at the black haired man. “I don’t even see how anyone could get something beneficial from this. I have shit to do.” He insisted. And in fact he did. Alphonse had to get his body back, and he wasn’t about to sit down and waste his precious time doing this outrageous request. 

 

“Every once and awhile we need to give back to the community, the central.” Roy reminded. “And children are citizens as well. Now, that’s the final word.” He responded seriously and as much as Ed wanted to - and as much as Ed really would - he resisted the urge to transmutate Mustang’s ass. Reluctantly he walked out of Roy’s office. 

 

“See you later tonight, Fullmetal.” 

 

“Fuck you.”

 

* * *

 

Ed couldn’t stand the person looking back at him in the mirror. This person was wearing a horrifyingly green dress, green tights underneath. Even his normal ears were covered by longer fake ones. There was no doubt about it, if he took one step outside of the bathroom he would be welcomed by roars of laughter. 

 

In a moment of rage, Edward lifted his automail fist and smashed it straight into the mirror. As the shards of glass spread out around on the floor, Ed tried to control his breathing and relax. For a few seconds he worked on concealing his anger before letting out a shaky sigh. Straightening up, he turned on his heel, leaving the glass all over the ground before opening the door. 

 

Nobody was in the hall, and Ed hoped it remained that way. He just wanted to slip out of the building unnoticed. 

 

“Hey, Fullmetal.” 

 

_ Shit.  _

 

The second Edward heard that amusement jumping around the other’s vocal cords, he knew that Mustang had seen his costume. Slowly and irritably, he turned around, looking up at the fuhrer. “What is it now?” Ed demanded only to get a husky chuckle in reply. 

 

“You look simply… divine.” Mustang said in a cocky and smug manner that made Ed realize the other was only mocking him at this point. Hell, he had been mocking him since the second the ass opened his big fat mouth. “Why don’t you head on outside now that you’ve got that on?” 

 

“Hey, hey… Can I say one thing first?” Edward asked the older man. 

 

“What is it?” Roy questioned, crossing his arms and arching a brow as he examined the short alchemist. 

 

Edward lifted up his automail hand, curling his fingers into a fist. He lifted up his hand and began to mock the action of winding up a jack-in-a-box in time with his rising middle finger.

 

* * *

 

It had been four days, and Ed knew that his day of ‘Santa’ duty would be beginning the second he woke up. At first, Alphonse was discreetly amused with Roy’s choice of costume for his older brother, but after Edward’s constant bitching he soon became exhausted of it. He had wished that Roy never brought up the idea of having to dress as an elf for some community event. 

 

Sure, in contrast to his brother Al was in favor of the idea. He rather in enjoyed seeing children happy, but he soon realized that NOBODY was going to be happy if Ed had to dress up as an elf and assist ‘Santa Fuhrer’. 

 

_ “Al, I’m not going. Tell them I’m sick.”  _

_ “Al, I’m not going. Tell them there’s a family emergency.”  _

_ “Al, I’m not going. Tell them I’m in a coma.”  _

_ “Al, I’m not going. Tell them I got kidnapped.”  _

_ “Al, I’m not going. I got abducted by an over-sexual alien werecat.”  _

 

Alphonse had heard almost every excuse in the book from his brother. No matter what shit excuse Ed came up with, he still insisted that his boyfriend should attend the community event because Roy was going to find out if he was lying, and the punishments wouldn’t be pretty. 

 

He had been with his brother for a few years now, and he had soon realized that Edward was extremely dramatic when it came to not getting his way. He threw tantrums until what he got. And now Ed wasn’t able to get his way, not even after throwing a tantrum, and the angst was showing. 

 

“Mustang wants you over in central within the hour, brother.” Al whined, tapping his food impatiently as Ed slumped his way down the stairs in his costume. The other was acting like a snail, and it wasn’t productive at all. 

 

“Whatever, if I’m late, I’m late.” Edward mumbled, pulling himself down the stairs and slowly working his way over until he was next to his younger sibling. 

 

“I don’t think he would like that very much, brother.” Al voiced his concerns before opening the door for Ed, motioning him on out of the house. As the other slowly made his way out, he crossed his arms.  _ Today is going to be a pain, isn’t it? _

 

* * *

 

Never, ever, in his whole life, had Alphonse seen Edward so genuinely pissed at Mustang more so than he looked the moment he walked into central to see  _ no Christmas decorations or set up at all.  _

 

“When I find him, I’m going to punch him straight in that smug little face of his.” Edward growled, bitterly walking towards the military’s headquarters, a few civilians watching the incoming alchemist with pure amusement. 

 

Al blinked, looking down at his shorter sibling. He knew better than to voice his thoughts, but in the back of his mind he wondered exactly how Ed planned on reaching Mustang’s face. Not dwelling on it because it would have riled his boyfriend up more, he just remained silent as Ed stormed through swarms of crowds. 

 

All the way up to Mustang’s office, Ed stomped loud enough to sound like a mini earthquake. Alphonse apologized to confused and startled bystanders, just trailing behind Edward like a shadow. Instead of calmly using the doorknob like a normal person, Ed clapped his hands together before putting them on the floor using alchemy to erect a huge hand from the ground that smashed right through door. Alphonse face-palmed but didn’t bother lecturing his boyfriend. 

 

“What the hell was that for?” Ed howled, stepping into the room through the hole he created. He seemed pissed when Mustang just remained doing work on his desk, not even bothering to look up at all the noise. “You made me dressed up like a fool!” 

 

Keeping his eyes on the papers, Roy chuckled slightly. “I didn’t need to do anything to make you dress like a fool.” For once, he finally lifted his eyes from the paper and began to look around the room. “Fullmetal?” 

 

“Fullmetal yourself.” Edward grumbled. 

 

“Oh, there you are!” Roy let out a laugh. “Sorry, I didn’t see you at first.” He apologized.

 

* * *

 

Long story short, Alphonse sat silently next to a bed in the medical room for the rest of that Christmas. Edward’s face was burnt, and a few beds down, Al had heard Mustang had a few broken bones and fractures.

 

“Hey, Al.” 

 

Alphonse’s eyes fell down to his lover and his sibling when he heard his name being called. “Yes, brother?” He asked.

 

“Can you do me a favor?” Ed asked, his eyes locking onto him. 

 

More than willingly, Al nodded. “What can I do, brother?” He asked, watching his sibling as he stirred in the hospital bed. He was ready to retrieve a drink, or whatever Ed had requested. 

 

“Can you tell Mustang that he can still fuck himself?” Ed requested. 

 

A sigh escaped from Alphonse and he wearily rubbed his temples. Nothing was more fun than spending Christmas in the hospital with a grinch and an asshole who enjoyed provoking the said grinch. 


End file.
